Archive for December, 2009

28th December
2009
written by Jay

When your mother and I found out we were going to have a child, I was in heaven. Funny, we never considered that you could turn out a boy. Before you were born and before we knew for sure we always referred to you as “she”. Had you indeed turned out a boy, think of all the money we would have to sink into psychiatrist bills… Ouch! So when it was established you were indeed an unborn child of the female persuasion, that heaven I talked about above, became that much brighter. That was until today, when I realized that being a girl comes with some very serious consequences. In some circles these are called: Boobs!

You see, being a female, you will develop (over time, although I am already working on a piece of equipment that will stunt this) a bodily feature that, for a lot of people — Men and women alike, but mostly men — is the object of several unmentionable thoughts. One more time, we call them: Boobs!

The whole idea of these mounds of flesh protruding from your chest is to cover them up at all times until you find the one person in the world that you so truly love (in a way different from loving your parents, or that Disney movie, or ice cream, or gazing at the stars, or, or, or…) that you want to show him (or her) these things that seemingly had no meaning prior to meeting this person. Before that time, they are just awkward.  Society has long ago decided that this extra you carry around (or will in the near future)  should look a certain way, and because of this you will have the joy (unlike boys) to be shopping for garments called: Bras!

There is a whole psychology behind this embarrassing experience, but we will leave that for another day…

The problem with these boob things is that there is so much secrecy surrounding them, that large throngs of people have made it their self-appointed task to uncover them. They show no scruples and will go to any length to have them uncovered. They will try to convince you that you should bare your chest for them, even if you don’t love them in that special way. We commonly refer to that segment of the population as: Horn dogs!

All I can say is: Fight the horn dogs, uncovering your boobs should be left for very, very, very special occasions. Occasions, I can only hope, will not occur for you until the age of 76.

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28th December
2009
written by Jay

While it’s entirely possible that you might hear us use phrases such as “Oh, grow up” in your direction, what we really mean by that is usually more along the lines of  “Stop arguing with me”. There is no hurry to grow up. When a parent tells you to grow up, what he or she is trying to tell you is “I am just a kid myself and I am entirely exasperated having to act like a grown up around you”. No seriously! I am nearly 40 and I never really had the feeling I was a grown-up. Matter of fact, I make it a point not to. I still collect stuffed animals, I still gaze up at the stars (making my neighbors think “who is that lunatic in unit #1?”), I still get a kick out of driving through a puddle — Although these days I do it in a car and not on a bicycle.

Don’t be in a hurry, I’ve said that before, but mostly… There is a kid in all of us. Never lose sight of your inner-child!

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23rd December
2009
written by Jay

When you were first home, after having been in the hospital for 4 weeks, I “wrote” you a little poem. I put that in quotes because it’s rather grotesque (as in: Illusions of grandeur) to think that I was actually writing poetry. I was simply trying to find things that rhymed, because, quite frankly, you were wailing like a banshee at the time. But it worked, you shut up! Originally that “poem” read:

Where is my little bear?
It’s right there, it’s right there.
What color is my bink?
It’s pink, it’s pink.
Are my eyes blue?
It’s true missy-moo.
But where is my bear?
RIGHT THERE!

Since, at a mere three point five months of age (yours, not mine), it has come to my attention that you destroyed that pink bink. For readers outside the US, a binkie is also known as a pacifier (but that doesn’t rhyme with pink). Your Mom tried to buy you a new one but the teat (or nipple) was too small for your liking. I guess we will have to retire this poem to memory. I briefly suggested we would change the whole bink line to “Who is a dummy? Your mummy, your mummy”, much to the chagrin of your female parental unit.

Goodbye silly poem, you will shortly be replaced by a new one.

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22nd December
2009
written by Jay

Immerse! Life can be taken in no time flat. I am not going to lie to you. There are cancers, there is AIDS, there are guns, tragic accidents, and a whole slew of other things that can abruptly take a life (like some bonehead trying to send a text message while zipping down the M5 at 130 kilometers an hour). The only way you have to battle this vast wasteland of dangers is to make the most of your life, and that of others, on a daily basis. Live your life to the fullest. Make every moment meaningful and make sure that you do so in a way that makes it meaningful for as many people as you can. Immerse yourself in the ocean that is youth. You never know when it’s gone…

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20th December
2009
written by Jay

…or as you mother may say, the trolley. Unless you are disabled, which so far you aren’t, or you have a living mammal in your vehicle, there is no reason to just leave your shopping cart in the middle of the grocery store parking lot. They have bays where that cart can go after you are done with it. Use them! The extra 10 seconds it takes you to properly return your shopping cart to the proper place is not going to make you late for anything. Besides It will save the guy, who has the underpaid job to return them from the parking lot to the store so much easier! Be kind to a fellow human being.

(This one is courtesy of: @bravenewdad)

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17th December
2009
written by Jay

Do what you love and love what you do. It doesn’t matter whether it is serving fries with that hamburger or working on world peace. Your path in life should be the one that you are passionate about. If you want to be a doctor and heal people, don’t be playing one on TV.  At the same time, if you want to make people laugh, try playing a doctor on TV. But always be true to your passion. You will be most successful if you follow your dreams, if you do what you love and love what you do.

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14th December
2009
written by Jay

This is one of my fave songs…

Just a dad, playing guitar, singing about his favorite thing in the world… His child. This is for you Indi, A Dad singing about his Kid… I feel like this every time I look at you… I love you!

HERE

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14th December
2009
written by Jay

And by that I don’t mean movie, or TV, or rock stars. The stars above your head, that are always there but only visible to the naked eye after dark. Get down in the grass and just gaze up. It’s the best fireworks display you will ever see, and it’s free! Meanwhile, know that I will be doing the same thing from the many 1000′s of miles between us. We have a connection, that is cheaper than a cell phone and more beautiful than a painting. All you have to do is look up at night. I will be there!

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12th December
2009
written by Gretchen

Never be ashamed or embarrassed to ask questions. Whether it is directions to the nearest McDonalds, what 6 x 4 is, or Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, every question deserves to be asked. The only way to learn is to ask. Sometimes this may mean asking a policeman, or your dad, or the cute boy you have a secret crush on, but don’t forget to also ask questions of yourself. Is this the right bus for me to catch? Would my parents be proud of me if I did this? What IS Einstein’s Theory of Relativity?

Remember, the only stupid question is the one that isn’t asked.

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12th December
2009
written by Jay

Don’t let pride get in the way. Some things we have to do in life are tough. Some are simply impossible without the aid of others. You can always ask for help. You should never feel too proud to do so. Don’t be lazy, I mean… You can probably put the groceries away by yourself, you don’t need your neighbor for that every time. But if you really need help, you need to ask. Never be above letting others assist you. Some things we can’t do alone, we shouldn’t be doing alone… But your friends might not always recognize you need them. Just ask, it’s what they are there for.

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