Archive for November, 2009

29th November
2009
written by Jay

Generally, it is considered a bad idea to be running while holding a pair of scissors, and in general terms, it’s probably not the smartest thing to do. Having said that, throngs of people have done it without much adverse affect. On the same token, hordes of people work with nail guns every day without much of a problem, but I know a guy personally who nailed his arm to a roof once using one. Accidents do happen. Remember that! But also remember that most safety measures are devised by parents who are afraid that their children will get in an accident while they (those parents) are not paying attention. Your mother, as well as myself are not great advocates for head injuries. So, in all likelihood we will require you to wear a helmet while riding your bicycle, but we are not going to strap you into protective gear to where you become so immobile as to prevent you from riding the thing.

We will not get mad at you for falling off your bike and scraping your knee.  Training wheels could have prevented this but above a certain age you just look retarded using them (we will tell you when it’s time to get rid of them). Just do me one favor… Don’t drink the toilet bowl cleaner just because there is no child proof lock on the cabinet. Even if I am dumb enough to hide the Pepsi behind it, you should be smart enough to tell the difference.

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28th November
2009
written by Jay

While it’s not a fun job to have to haul big bags of rubbish to the curb, the alternative is that they will sit, rot and stink up your house. This especially holds true when the trash contains remnants of chicken. There is nothing more vile than poultry left to spoil inside a plastic bag. Again, it’s not the funnest job, but your friends will thank you for it. Matter of fact, if you don’t take the trash out on a regular basis, you will find that your friends will stay away. And while we are on the subject of waste management, do yourself a favor… Look at your emotional garbage and toss it on a regular basis as well. Bullies in school, by the kerb. Broken-up-with boyfriends, bam… in the trash. That insult by a co-worker, out the window! Keep a clean house!

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28th November
2009
written by Jay
27th November
2009
written by Jay

Wear Sunscreen!

There is a common misconception that the song “Everybody’s free (to wear sunscreen)” by Australian Baz Luhrmann was based on a speech by American author Kurt Vonnegut. This is not true! The original speech was penned by Chicago Tribune columnist Mary Schmich. It was never used as a graduation speech, but it was printed in the newspaper under the title “Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young”.

Read it! better advice I cannot give, nor can I do it as elegantly as Mary.

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27th November
2009
written by Jay
Zebra

Zebra

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26th November
2009
written by Jay

It’s that time of the year again, here in the USA anyway, where people sit down and — brought on by this holiday that is meaningless in the rest of the universe — count their blessings.  I even read someone asking “What parts of Memphis are you thankful for?” You’ll get to know me pretty well over the coming years, and will know that I complain more than is good for me. So if I just drove over a pothole, busting a tire/tyre, don’t ask me what part of this concrete jungle I live in I am thankful for! While East Memphis is a “good” part of town, it’s by no means a “good looking” part of town.

But there are things I will forever be grateful for. Meeting your Mom is one of them. But the best gift of all is you my girl! And you, in turn, should be thankful and feel blessed. You are a product of love, and will forever be loved.  You had me at hello, which (in all honesty) in your case sounded more like “Weh!” And you will have me (and your mother too) whenever you need.

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24th November
2009
written by Jay

As much as your mother and me tell you not to, the truth is, it’s fun! And you may find that when the mood strikes us, we will join in. Just know that playing with food is best not done while wearing expensive clothes. It is also frowned upon by most restaurant staff, but that rule can be bent depending on your age. It is scientifically proven that people engaging in playing with food (if that sounded sexual, you and I need to have a serious conversation young lady!) have a higher likelihood of becoming creative cooks. OK, that last bit I just made up, but it sounded logical to me.

For crying out loud, will you stop playing with your food and just eat it?

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24th November
2009
written by Jay

Just because your best friend jumps off a cliff, doesn’t mean you have to.
Just because I smoke, doesn’t mean you should!
Just because your boyfriend thinks underage drinking is the shiznits, doesn’t mean you have to get loaded.

Do what you think is right, be your own person. Be the best you can be without copying others. Be aware that doing what you think is right might not always be supported by your family and friends. In that case it was possibly not the right thing to do. However, if you follow most of the other things we say, you will (most likely) know the difference.

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23rd November
2009
written by Gretchen

It doesn’t matter if you have the voice of an angel or sound more like nails scratching a blackboard, always embrace the joy a song brings. Never let anyone tell you not to sing.

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20th November
2009
written by Gretchen

While the words you choose to use are important, your actions can be more so. It is easy to tell a friend you support them – you need to show them you do. You can tell your dad and me you won’t get in a car with someone who has been drinking, but unless you follow through it means nothing. Just as important is that you expect this of others. Don’t just accept their words at face value. Look for them to follow through with their actions.

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